Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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