And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
