I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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