Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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