I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
