My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
