He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
