Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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