So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
