If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
