There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
