Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
