3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
