Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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