i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
