I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
