alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
