Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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