I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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