you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
