did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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