im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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