I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
