What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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