My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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