There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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