Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
