I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
