Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
