I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
