Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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