we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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