Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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