Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
