So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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