You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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