...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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