Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
