I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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