You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
