I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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