I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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