i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
