We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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