she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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