i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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