i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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