I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
