Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
