You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize