I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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