Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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