I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
