He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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