he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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