Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize