I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
