I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
