You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
