I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
