The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
