Just fell off a train. Bad.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
