it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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