Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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