Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
