so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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