What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just blew my weed a kiss
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
