My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
